


all my problems revolve around you (but you solve all of them anyways)

by kkochiya



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Changyoon Is A Little Bitch, Friends to Lovers, Hyojin going thru some realisations damn, M/M, but we love him, i think yuto is the only sane one here and i mean thats canon, im so sleep deprived please help, it might suck but at least im filling the tag <3, seungjoon is so understanding maybe ill cry, uhm take some cute shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24726184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkochiya/pseuds/kkochiya
Summary: hyojin's stuck, because he's pretty sure there's something missing that was there before, and the idea of it being gone is unfathomable.it's fine though, he'll work it out eventually.
Relationships: Kim Hyojin/Lee Seungjoon | J-Us
Comments: 7
Kudos: 125





	all my problems revolve around you (but you solve all of them anyways)

**Author's Note:**

> uhm yes take this lovely piece of literature, probably sucks, but what can you do?  
> thank you ai for always giving quality ideas, im sorry if i butchered it.  
> aLSO I LOVE ALL THE MEMBERS IM NOT AN ANTI I INSULT THEM ENDEARINGLY
> 
> twt = @/kkochiya

hyojin didn’t exactly know when his problems began, or exactly where they bloomed from. all he knew was that progressively they had grown from the size of a small stone to a large boulder, and from the looks of it, had no plan on stopping.

at times he would reckon those issues had dissipated: grown victim to the harsh grip of time. but then seungjoon would flash him one of those understanding smiles and once more those problems came crashing back again, weighing heavily on his shoulders and his chest.

of course it was seungjoon.

when hyojin would sit out in the living room at 3am, contemplating anything and everything, it was seungjoon. when he would pace about nervously at their schedules, it was seungjoon. when he would clutch onto his blanket, bottom lip quivering, tears on the brink of falling, it was seungjoon.

slowly but surely the white haired boy had invaded his thoughts, his feelings, his everything, and had seized them - taken a tight hold. hyojin didn’t anticipate it - although, maybe he really should have. 13 years is a long time, after all.

so even now, as he watches said boy talk enthusiastically to a screen, he feels the insufferable weight of confusion and emotion press down painfully on his chest, pinning him in his place. hyojin stares, an unclear expression on his face, somewhat similar to bewilderment, as he takes in the bright smile and busy gaze of seungjoon who chatters brightly and thoughtfully, busily and cheerfully. it’s 9pm, nearing 10pm, and soon enough he begins to hear the drawn out goodbyes that tell him the boy is ending the live, pouring out genuine and sweet endearments to fans.

his eyes get caught on seungjoon’s flittering gaze as said boy puts away his phone and he looks away relatively slowly, the fog in his mind clearing up as he realises how long he’s been sitting in the room, simply watching. carefully, he pulls one of yuto’s plushies (that he has definitely not just snatched off of the boy’s bed for comfort) to his chest, pretending to be interested in the soft, silky texture of its appendages.

he wonders for a moment why the room has gone quiet but then a sound fills the silence.

"is everything okay..?”

a meek voice, two levels quieter than he had been hearing the past hour, calls out, significantly closer than it had been before.

he almost jumps, but instead licks at his lips nervously, readying his thoughts.

everything isn't okay, he wants to say. he wants to pour out his feelings, wants to explain their complexity in the hopes that maybe the younger boy will be able to untangle and unravel them for him. but he can't seem to get it out coherently, and can't find the right timing either.

“yeah- of course," he plays with the ear of the plushie absentmindedly, glancing up, "why wouldn’t it be?”

seungjoon doesn’t answer, simply shooting hyojin a piercing gaze that seems to reach deep beyond his eyes. hyojin doesn’t understand what seungjoon is thinking, but then again, he's never really good at that. whereas seungjoon seems to be almost clairvoyant with how well he reads people.

he can’t seem to draw his eyes away as the boy pushes his white locks back (looking unrealistically silky despite being devoid of any product), his loose shirt lifting ever so slightly. hyojin admires the boy’s toned stomach, wondering how it must feel (warm? probably) for a brief moment before the fabric of the shirt lowers once more. he supposes it's for the better that he didn’t get to stare any longer, pushing away already intruding thoughts from his mind.

then again, he wonders how it might feel to hug the boy tightly, something he hasn't had the chance to do lately, what with all the commotion of schedules. he wonders if the hug would be even warmer with such a build up of muscle in between them. maybe his heart speeds up at the idea.

hyojin furrows his brows, shaking those thoughts away for good this time.

“if you're fine, i'm going to wash up, okay?” seungjoon notifies him, having moved away from hyojin’s line in the midst of his pondering. he still feels the younger's eyes on him.

hyojin hums, beginning the gentle brushing of his fingers against the plushie.

"but.. you _are_ fine though, right?"

"yeah, i'm good, just… tired."

the concern on seungjoon's face is the one thing he can read clearly, having seen it the majority of their time together. he feels bad every time he sees it, especially now as he lies through his teeth.

hyojin looks away, eyes trailing the markings on the walls as if they'll provide some sort of answer.

the door clicks shut a few moments later, footsteps leaving as he breathes out a sigh to himself. his throat tightens a bit and his grip on the plushie increases in strength.

laying down on seungjoon’s bed, (yes, seungjoon’s bed, in seungjoon’s room, which smells like seungjoon and oh god, it’s intoxicating) he allows his eyes to fall shut slowly, the watery surface being disrupted but still not allowing tears to spill.

he contemplates his feelings as he always does, listening intently to the rushing water of their shared shower to try and drown out every thought that tugs at his heartstrings.

it takes a moment, but hyojin soon finds the clutches of sleep growing tighter every passing second. maybe it doesn’t help that seungjoon’s scent is circulating him right now, and that his bed feels even softer than his own. it can’t be more than five minutes before he’s knocked out, plushie falling from his hands and laying beside him.

-

monitoring their performances is always something hyojin feels both excitement and dread about. firstly, the excitement of completing a stage and watching the success of it, but secondly, the dread of viewing his mistakes that not even he had noticed in the moment. it was always a very critical event, with sharp and perceptive notes being taken, but this performance was slightly different from the rest.

"wah… pentagon sunbaenim really are another level, huh?"

yuto stares with starry eyes as he rewatches their collab stage, kino's part coming on and eliciting what could be described as both a choke and a squeal from the youngest.

"awe is our little yuto fanboying? hm?~" changyoon teases, pinching the boy's ears (which notably turn red at the action), "y'know, it's embarrassing to hear you squeal over them when we're so close already… what would hui hyung think?" to which the boy swats away his hand, pout present.

"i can admire talent regardless, hyung." he huffs, eyes drawing back to the screen with a small frown on his lips and a red hue on the tip of his ears.

changyoon chuckles to himself, pleased with his evil doing, and hyojin spares a moment to shoot a glare charged with silent scolding.

"aren't we cool too, yuto? your hyungs look good, don't they?"

seungjoon drapes an arm around the boy's shoulder, pointing smugly at the screen currently showing his part. hyojin watches intently, admiring the way his limbs move so entrancingly, so prettily - or perhaps he's getting the pretty part from seungjoon being that way himself, he doesn't really know.

"it has a kind of… sexy feeling, you know? sex appeal. right, hyojin hyung?"

minkyun asks with a tilted smile, dimples showing as he waits for the response.

hyojin thinks for a second, watching the camera move between kino and seungjoon, as he tries to find what minkyun is talking about. because, for sure, the concept is somewhat sexy, they had mentioned it many times whilst practicing, but the more he looks at seungjoon and even kino and hui, he finds himself searching for something that escapes him.

in his opinion, they all look impressive, powerful, cool. seungjoon looks pretty and in that moment he had tried not to curl in on himself for allowing the thought to pass through his mind so shamelessly. but sexy… maybe he's tired and just can't grasp onto it. he doesn't feel anything, not even when he looks at the girls who accompanied their performance. and if it were sexy, surely something would happen, right? just like in those romance novels - something in his gut.

but aside from that, it's been a hot minute since minkyun asked the question and several awkward seconds since everyone pinned their eyes on him.

"sorry- yeah, it is pretty…" he laughs in a way he hopes isn't as awkward as it rings in his ears, "sexy."

seemingly happy - or at least satisfied - with the answer, and perhaps a little confused, the members turn their focus back onto the performance which yuto replays from the beginning, it having already finished a few seconds ago.

hyojin feels a gentle touch on his lower back, which he ends up tracing back to seungjoon, who looks into his eyes with something similar to concern but maybe mixed with something.

hyojin reckons he might have upset him, and flashes a smile to remedy it.

it works - he hopes - for the blond looks back to the screen and removes his hand from where it had caressed ever so gently.

the day continues without further incidents, allowing the red head to rejoice in the period of blissful nothingness.

-

sometimes hyojin lets seungjoon sleep in his bed at night. it’s entirely normal, they’re best friends, after all. plus, it’s nice to sleep beside someone - it helps a lot with the anxiety and stress from practice and work, and he likes to think it helps seungjoon too. at least, the boy always did sleep better with someone else.

but it kinda feels weird now, and hyojin doesn’t get why.

the fluttery feeling in his chest has always been there, especially with the boy in such proximity to the point he could feel the soft flutter of hair strands dancing on his neck. butterflies would fill his stomach, and the feeling was familiar but always slightly embarrassing. but unlike their teenage years, he never felt himself get hot and bothered, not even in summer where seungjoon would go shirtless in favour of staying cool. but maybe that’s because he’s letting go of his feelings.

exactly, that must be it-

hyojin doesn’t want that, though, and he’s sure it’s not happening. why else would he get so giddy when the boy was so much as mentioned? why else would the gentle hold of said boy’s hand on his waist send waves of warmth to his heart and adrenaline coursing through his veins?

he rationalises that maybe it’s because he’s grown used to seeing it, so the excitement is gone. yes, that must be it.

but despite that, he does still… love... seungjoon.

grumbling to himself, cheeks flushed and burning, he turns around in his bed, facing the other who he had previously assumed to be sleeping. assumed being the keyword.

bright eyes blink up at him, shining.

“can’t sleep..?” the blond slurs, lips moving minimally as if it were tiring to do so much.

hyojin reckons his eyes look extra sparkly, even in the dim lighting of the moon filtering in through their broken blinds: as if there are stars dancing across them. his breath falters for a moment as he stares, and wonders briefly how much his heart would jump if he just pushed himself a little bit forward and let their mouths slot together.

probably too much for comfort, he decides.

naturally, his fingers find their way from underneath his pillow to towards the younger’s locks, latching gently onto a small section of white strands and twirling lightly, admiring the silky texture. it’s odd that it feels so nice, considering the fact his hair should be dead from the bleach, but hyojin thinks it’s too taxing to worry about that, and too bothersome to ask.

“hyojin?”

he realises he had left a question unanswered and hurries to nod, gaze moving down to match eyes with seungjoon.

“is everything okay?”

“why wouldn’t it-”

“it’s…” seungjoon bites at his lips thoughtfully for a moment, “...okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

hyojin’s throat feels a little dry but he’s scared to so much as clear it, heart weighing heavily in his chest as he waits for the boy to continue.

“i can wait until you’re ready- i mean, if you ever want to talk… i’ll be... i’ll be here for you. i’m… always here for you. even if it’s hard to ask for help, i’ll give you time.” the blond beams suddenly, “so stop being so sad all the time, it’s stressing me out.”

“ah, stop being sappy,” hyojin whines, removing his hands from the boy with faked distaste, “you’re getting me all sentimental.”

quietly suppressed giggles escape the younger’s lips and hyojin takes a moment to observe, the corners of his lips lifting unintentionally.

seungjoon makes eye contact and he feels his heart burst, overwhelming him with emotions that he quickly tries to push back down. but it’s okay, because the boy ends up snuggling his face into the pillow shortly after, small smile still on his lips, and eyes falling shut.

“let’s go to sleep, shall we?”

hyojin hums his response, and turns back over, allowing the younger to loop his arms around his waist a bit more securely and pull him close. for a moment he smiles to himself, shuffling back a bit until there’s no way they could get any closer.

he was right after all. it is very warm to be this close to seungjoon, all snugly pressed up against his chest

it feels like home.

-

“hurry the fuck up, hyojin, we’re going to be late because of your dumbass!”

“language!”

“don’t act like an angel, smartass, you swear more than me when hyojin isn’t around.” changyoon pesters, tone annoying as it always is when he’s being, well, annoying. distantly, what one hopes to be light and playful smacks are heard. probably from minkyun, with a defence and retaliation from changyoon.

rolling his eyes, hyojin pulls on his last shoe, lacing up the shoelaces speedily before snatching his bag and hurrying out of his room.

he catches sight of changyoon and minkyun bickering quietly, loitering nearby the front door of their dorm, evidently waiting for their leader. to be fair, he hadn’t taken _that_ long to get ready, considering the fact _someone_ (cough, changyoon, it was changyoon) had forgotten to wake him up. if anything, had he been woken up at the right time (seriously, changyoon, why?) he would have been earlier than anyone else. but that’s in the past now.

“if manager-nim gets pissed at us, it’s hyojin hyung’s fault~” minkyun declares, opening the door swiftly and slinking out.

hyojin follows the cat loving bastard out, half sulking, as changyoon locks the door behind him, throwing an arm around the eldest with a sigh.

“so how’s everything going," he paused a moment, grinning, "babe?”

hot and uncomfortably, changyoon breathes into his ear, eliciting a rush of chills down his spine and the ever pressing desire to push away the goddamn brunette and gag. instead hyojin decides to spare him and pick a lighter choice of rejection

“disgusting,” he recoils, “stop calling me that.”

“jeez, it’s a joke…" changyoon drops his arm from around the elder, "did minkyun really upset you that much?”

“nah, it’s not that…”

they fall into sync with their steps, changyoon eventually linking their arms as they make their way to the elevator where minkyun has already descended. by the time they’re standing outside of it, it has already made its way back up, with a lady they vaguely recognise as being their neighbour coming out, bowing politely before moving on. there’s a mirror on the inside of the elevator and hyojin takes a moment to fix his hair before feeling changyoon do it himself, allowing the younger to brush the strands into place hastily. he doesn’t thank him - it’s not needed.

at some point hyojin finds himself wondering if the ride downstairs was ever this long. changyoon’s hold on his arm is warm and he embraces that, the slight chill of the elevator being enough to make goosebumps trail up his arm. it feels like a few minutes but only seconds pass. one floor down, many more to go.

the floors keep lowering but hyojin becomes increasingly aware of changyoon’s shifting gaze that lingers on him then drifts elsewhere before returning and repeating.

it gets annoying, and their elevator ride is coming to an end, the ground floor only one floor away. hyojin isn’t one to beat around the bush if it’s unnecessary. well, actually, sometimes he is - it depends - but that’s not the point. he can practically _feel_ changyoon about to burst beside him.

“do you _need_ someth-”

“are you and seungjoon fucking?”

changyoon’s voice rings out just as the elevator dings at the ground floor, doors opening. hyojin’s jaw had dropped but he pulls himself together quickly enough to close it before it would seem weird, slightly tightening his grip on changyoon’s arm.

clearing his throat, he throws a pointed glance at the younger who smiles mischeviously.

“do you _hear_ us fucking?”

slowly they begin making their way to leave the apartment complex, bowing to the receptionist on the way, smiling politely as though they’re not currently having the conversation they’re having.

“no, but i should,” changyoon narrows his eyes, “you guys have had so much... tension... recently.”

“really? that’s funny, last i checked, i’m not attracted to my _best friend_ like that.”

“don’t you have a crush on him?”

hyojin hisses, elbowing him the ribs, “could you not talk any louder?”

smugly, the younger of the two grins, pinching at hyojin’s ear despite the ever growing annoyance showing on his face.

“i guess that confirms it!”

exasperated, hyojin sighs. he runs a free hand through his hair - still red, but growing out. soon he’s going to get wrinkles, especially if changyoon keeps being changyoon (but evidently there’s no sign of that stopping any time soon).

“but i really don’t want to fuck him, is the point.”

“what, are you asexual?”

changyoon's tone had been jovial but now he really had hyojin's interest.

hyojin quirks a brow in the way he always does, somewhat cheesy, kind of cringy, but charming at the same time - a weird fusion, that really shouldn’t make sense, but somehow does. asexual? he didn’t even really know what that meant besides something in science. did it apply the same way? hyojin’s not a fucking plant, for sure.

lost for words he motions with his hands for the brunette to continue, and changyoon sighs a long sigh.

“like, you don’t wanna get in his pants, right? but you wanna kiss him and hold his hands.”

hyojin groans, “well it’s _gross_ when you say it like that.”

“the point,” he interrupts, “is that you like him romantically. correct?”

at this point, they’re only a few meters from the car where their manager waits with an annoyed look on his face, foot tapping the pavement impatiently. hyojin has a half-mind to speed up their pace, and changyoon, after a moment of almost tripping over his feet (“watch it!”, “just walk!”), follows suit.

“you- you could say that.”

the door is slid open for them to get in, with a pointed glare from their manager shot at them. he doesn’t bother admonishing them, however, and hyojin somewhat expects their conversation to end there.

but he forgets he’s talking to changyoon of all people.

“then it makes sense, doesn’t it? you don’t wanna fuck him-”

“hyung wants to what?!”

hyojin’s face scorns red as he slips into his seat, buckling his seatbelt. he looks out of the window as opposed to facing yuto who had been the first to respond, his scandalized gaze making the tips of hyojin's ears burn even more ferociously.

god, could the day go any slower, he ponders to himself. it’s been an hour but it feels like a day. what’s worse is feeling 5 sets of eyes pinned on him, burning holes into the side of his face.

god, he regrets answering the brat so honestly.

“yuto, my son,” changyoon starts, lurching forward slightly as the car begins moving - yuto grimaces slightly at the elder’s words but as the polite boy he is, doesn’t mention it, “i said hyojin _doesn’t_ want to do that.”

“i... think we should stop talking about this.” jaeyoung pipes up from the front, glancing at hyojin with a look of concern as he remains silent, biting a lip anxiously.

the rest of the members silently agree, but hyojin can’t help but feel the lingering gaze of a certain blond on the back of his neck. he looks in the window’s reflection and catches a cryptic look on seungjoon’s face.

fuck, why didn’t he just bluff his way out of the situation when changyoon asked? now even seungjoon thinks he’s weird. hyojin complains loudly - in his head, of course - only noticing after a few moments of angry ranting to none other than himself that seungjoon has caught him staring in the reflection.

the younger looks away quickly, and hyojin thinks he looks a little sick, maybe running a fever.

he chooses to ignore it for his own sanity, lamenting to himself once more.

-

now, hyojin knows to never trust changyoon but sometimes, just sometimes, the boy speaks a little bit of sense. he may or may not have found himself thinking of his conversation, and not only because it was so devastatingly embarrassing (to the point he still burns red at the memory), but because it did give him some place to start thinking about his current issues.

was it just that simple? ...asexual…?

but wouldn’t that be weird? he’s sure, even if perchance seungjoon harboured similar feelings towards him, he’d want more than just cuddles and shy kisses. he’d eventually want to go further because that’s the natural way a relationship goes: at least according to all the media hyojin has consumed, as well as from extensive tmis from school friends. it just… that’s how life and love works, right?

that frustrates hyojin.

what if it’s just a thing with seungjoon? maybe he misjudged his own feelings? god, what if he had confessed earlier and then realised he didn’t actually like him?

but he _does_ like him. hyojin just doesn’t fancy anything more than romance, he supposes.

it’s beyond baffling, but right now isn’t exactly the time to ponder so deeply. they’re preparing for their last schedule before their two day break, and hyojin had already encouraged the kids to work extra hard today. it would be hypocritical to slack off just because of some silly feelings.

-

“don’t let hyojin hyung cook!! we just bought new pans!”

yuto, their youngest and probably most logical member, calls out from the hallway, the shout travelling to hyojin and changyoon’s shared room where hyojin lays immobile, too lazy to get up without good reason.

“hyojin hyung can’t cook anyways, why would he try?”

a voice teases from the living room, slowly moving further as they speak. he recognises it as none other than park minkyun and his colorful vocal tone pitching in to tease him.

today, considering the fact it was one of their rare breaks, minkyun, yuto and jaeyoung decided to go somewhere- a bowling alley, was it? hyojin hadn’t bothered with asking, and had picked up that much information just from listening in on the noises around their dorms.

now, changyoon… he wasn’t entirely sure where the cretin had gone, something about hanging out with friends? maybe hongseok had asked him to hang out, he didn’t really care, honestly.

and that left seungjoon. with hyojin.

it feels a little bit weird to be alone with seungjoon, even though this normally ends up happening. somehow fate always leads to them being paired up or left together, and hyojin isn’t complaining. it’s been that way for 13 years now, and he’s sure it will always be that way. 

still, it feels weird.

“don’t worry,” said boy calls out “we’ll order food.”

no one replies, but the front door opens and closes fairly soon after, so hyojin assumes they’re all satisfied that the dorm is going to be intact once they return.

hyojin sighs to himself, rolling around on his bed a couple of times. maybe he should go out too? it’s not often that they’re completely free like this, and if he doesn’t go out he’s probably going to regret it. but then again, he could always go out tomorrow. their break lasts two days, which is plenty (and although he’s sure the break isn’t so much of their company being caring, but more of their schedules just not being as packed as other groups, he appreciates it). so if he really wanted to, he definitely could just laze about all day, and it’s not like anyone is home to scold him for it-

unless seungjoon wanted to do something? ...with him? after all, why _did_ the blond decide to stay at home today?

“seungjoon?” he calls out into the air, ears waiting intently for a response.

it must only be 10 seconds going by before the careful padding of footsteps grows louder.

“hm?”

the blond pokes his head into the room, and hyojin feels a sense of dejavu as he looks up at him. but that’s unimportant.

“are you going anywhere today?”

“...no? why, what’s wrong?”

immediately, the boy’s voice goes soft with concern, and he enters the room fully, his little sweater paws and bare legs on display. hyojin almost chokes on his own spit, before realising it’s summer and it’s normal to wear shorts around the dorm, and seeming shocked would be totally weird (hyojin may or may not awkwardly laugh in his head - perhaps his sanity is slipping away from him). seungjoon’s hair bounces slightly as he approaches- oh god, he’s approaching?

soon enough the blond is crouching by the bed, looking hyojin directly in the eyes, and suddenly hyojin finds it hard to meet his gaze for any longer than a few seconds at a time.

“hyojin?”

“what?”

he gulps and judging from how seungjoon’s eyes trail down to his bobbing adam’s apple, it’s noticed.

“it’s…” he narrows his eyes, seemingly searching for something before giving up, “nothing. i’ll be home all day, so if you want we can watch a movie?”

“oh- sure. n-now?”

oh god, did he _stutter_?

“sure!” seungjoon beams, pushing himself up with a hand so that he’s standing, finally away from hyojin’s face. faintly, hyojin thinks he feels the memory of the pleasant tingle of the other’s breath on his cheek, but shuts off that stream of thoughts for his own sake.

it’s kind of cute - it being what seungjoon is wearing. the way the sweater is two sizes too big and hangs slightly off of his shoulder, the material of the sleeves covering his hands save for his fingertips. it’s devastating. hyojin thinks he could burst out squealing right there, but composes himself enough to continue their conversation.

“uhm, are you choosing?”

the boy hums a yes, hurrying off in excitement.

that’s cute too, hyojin muses.

-

blankets, pillows, chairs, plushies, you name it: it’s everywhere. their living room has turned into a massive pillow fort, with small, and painfully cheap fairylights being thrown underneath to provide at least some source of light. it’s a little bit shabby, with parts of it falling apart in corners, but it’s cozy, and made so that the tv fits under the sheets just right in order for them to comfortably watch a movie.

hyojin sprawls himself on the floor, waiting for a certain blond to come back with plates and chopsticks, having ordered food just a mere few minutes prior. 

it feels like he’s a teenager again, having a sleepover at seungjoon’s house, curling up to watch scary movies in the living room, trying not to scream because seungjoon’s mom would get mad if they made too much noise. seungjoon hugging hyojin because, god, neither of them could handle horror, so why did they choose it in the first place? and along time, the slow realisation that his heart jumping so drastically wasn’t because of the ghost on the screen but because of a certain boy nuzzling his face into his neck and holding him close, their hands brushing accidentally (or was it on purpose?) every now and then, with a spark of electricity jolting them away from each other.

nevertheless, hyojin snaps out of his thoughts with the gentle nudge of what feels like a knee and is a knee against his stomach. he’s met with a smiley seungjoon peering down at him, and he doesn’t find the energy to resist the smile that sneaks up onto to his lips.

“can you handle horror?”

he supposes those kind of things don’t change, because he knows for sure his tolerance of the genre is just as bad, perhaps worse, compared to when he was younger. seungjoon is no better.

a laugh bubbles from the younger as he scoots away to lean his back against the couch.

“i take that as a no.” the smile can be heard in his voice, “but don’t worry, it’s not too scary this time. i’m sure you’ll manage.”

hyojin scoffs, “manage...” reluctantly, he pulls himself up off of the ground and shuffles to sit next to seungjoon, “if i end up crying, we’re never talking about this day again.”

“you’ll be fiiiine~”

and he knows, for certain, he will not be fine.

-

“i swear to god if i see another gut spilling out, i’m turning the tv off.” hyojin bemoans loudly, the sound of screams only slightly quieter than his voice, “this movie is so _gross_.”

“it’s only a little-” the blond jumps abruptly at the next scene, “-a little gory.”

“you’re shaking, seungjoon.”

a glare is shot, but it falters quickly, as per usual.

“fine, fine. turn it off.”

rolling his eyes playfully, hyojin reaches for the controller, switching off the tv with a small click, sending the fort into a very dim light, the fairy lights keeping everything from falling into darkness.

cautiously, he turns to look at the younger male, and sees that he’s already looking his way, bright eyes still inexplicably sparkly even in the lowest of light. hyojin admires the galaxies he finds in them; a whole cosmos dances prettily in seungjoon’s pupils. aside from that, every slope and contour of his face is suddenly illuminated, the gentle yellow glow of the weak lighting making everything stand out, shadows accentuating already sculpted features. his eyelashes flutter prettily with every blink.

he’s been staring a bit too long, but so has seungjoon.

“uhm- so…”

“hyojin-”

they speak at the same time, and giggle childishly and abashedly at it. hyojin motions for the younger to speak first, feeling a little guilty for cutting him off with what sounded like it was going to be serious-

hold on, something serious?

“so… what’s bothering you, anyways?”

“what?” 

his tone is relatively rude, and he almost apologises for it, only to be put to a stop with the younger continuing.

“you never told me what was wrong…” he seems a little sad, and hyojin’s heart clenches painfully, “so is it okay to ask now?”

should he lie? should he brush it off with a scoff and smile and assure seungjoon that everything is okay, that he’s not lost in an endless universe of thoughts every waking moment. that seungjoon consumes that universe, filling it with his everything, and plaguing hyojin endlessly with him, only him. should he address those complexities he only managed to scratch the surface of? would seungjoon even understand?

if anything, he’d understand the most. he’s always so damn understanding, so caring.

hyojin thinks he tears up a little too much this time, throat aching dully as he clears it, looking away from the other quickly.

“could you give me some advice?”

“oh- of course! what do you need advice on?”

for a moment his gaze scans the fortress they’ve made, trying to grasp at words. his eyes, at the same time, manage to catch onto a lone wolf plushie left on the couch. hurriedly, he snatches it into his hands, depositing it onto his lap where he gently brushes its fur, finding comfort in the softness of the material.

he knows seungjoon is waiting for him to speak, and he also knows that if he thinks any longer the words will come out nonsensical and stuttered. it’s now or never.

“so, i have a friend,” hyojin begins, brows furrowing, “and this friend has a friend that he likes.”

“that he likes?”

“yeah, like… more than a friend.” he motions with his hands as if it would explain it any better, “like lovers.”

seungjoon makes a small ‘o’ with his mouth and nods, encouraging the elder to proceed.

“and he likes him a lot, but he doesn’t want anything more than… y’know.”

again he makes motions, and seungjoon squints, trying to find sense in them, but ends up tilting his head to signal confusion. it’s endearing. and it’s almost tragic that he’s being so adorable whilst hyojin possibly makes the biggest mistake of their 13 year friendship. hell, why is he even telling seungjoon this?

stupid seungjoon and his natural persuasiveness.

“he... wants to be romantic and go on dates and hold hands and… all of that. but... when he looks at his friend he can’t imagine going further. it’s… he doesn’t want it, he doesn’t feel the need to go beyond that.”

“go further like…?”

“like... having sex…” he puffs out, ears burning.

it seems like seungjoon gets what he’s saying, and nods understandingly, eyes looking around actively, scanning his face for something. hyojin only hopes he’s not being too telling, and even if he is, he prays for the dim lighting to mask enough of it to prevent his doom.

“so, what’s wrong, then?” seungjoon asks tentatively.

“huh?”

the boy shrugs, pulling his legs to his chest and resting his chin upon his knee.

“what’s wrong with not wanting sex? it’s not necessary, right?”

“isn’t it weir-”

“can’t the friend tell his friend that he likes him but isn’t comfortable doing anything sexual with him? surely, if the person is worth it, they’d understand.”

hyojin furrows his brows.

firstly, why is he so worked up about the situation? and secondly, how does seungjoon make it sound so easy? is it _really_ that easy? can he just tell his friend - well, his friend being seungjoon - that he wants that? he supposes it’s just easy in theory, difficult in practice, as most things are.

“...and if the friend’s love is unrequited?”

“well,” seungjoon begins, matter of factly, “he won’t know until he asks.”

pressing his lips together, he ponders, eyes trailing the shadows formed by the uneven lighting. he wonders if now is the right timing, if it would be okay to tell seungjoon now. he feels confident, and comforted, even. it feels like if he were to wait, he’d regret it.

but then again, what if it all goes wrong?

he _can’t_ lose seungjoon.

why can’t he be clairvoyant like seungjoon seems to be? why can’t he just know what the boy feels at any moment? it would make this whole situation a lot better. the uncertainty kills him, and he hates how badly his gut twists in dread at the idea of everything being pulled from underneath him. he feels an echo of the pain he knows his heart would feel if seungjoon began to leave his life, and decides it hurts way too much to handle within a lifetime, let alone a couple of years.

“sorry…” seungjoon pipes up, shy smile on his lips, “did i confuse you?”

“n-no- your advice was good, i’m just thinking.”

and for once, hyojin watches a look of apprehension wash over the younger’s face, and almost flinches at the sudden contrast. he finds an apology on the tip of his tongue, ready to spill out, and he’s almost not quite sure why seeing the boy so uncertain makes his heart hurt.

did he upset him again?

he hates seeing seungjoon sad.

“was it hypothetical?”

“the... friend?”

seungjoon nods slowly.

“haha-” he hates how painfully awkward his laugh sounds, “why would you think that?”

“am i the person the friend likes?”

“wait-”

“and are you the friend?”

“seungjoon-”

“don’t-” he starts, voice thinning out, almost as if he’s growing weaker every passing second, “don’t lie to me, please.”

is he going to cry? hyojin reckons the younger’s eyes look teary, the droplets building up causing his pupils to shine brighter and look sadder than they had originally. he hates that he thinks they’re still beautiful - hates that he loves the boy so much he can’t even build up the strength to deny anything.

he notices his grip becoming deathly tight on the plushie, and takes a moment to breathe out and let go.

“yes.”

“and do you… want to say anything to me?”

“do i need to anymore?”

“i think it would help us both.”

help us both? hyojin thinks that’s a little cryptic for a rejection, but like the fool he is, plays along, breathing out a deep sigh before letting his eyes shut. he feels utterly drained, and the words come out like a waterfall, or like a blocked faucet finally being unclogged, the water rushing out freely without control.

“i like you,” he winces, “more than friends. i think i’ve always liked you this way, and i’m sorry for lying to you so long, i didn’t mean to keep secrets, it’s just...”

hyojin continues, “it’s hard to come to terms with the fact i might lose you if i tell the truth. but i think right now,” he chuckles bitterly, “there’s not really another option.”

“i-”

“i don’t want to pressure you to reply, it’s fine if you want to just ignore it. i know it might be weird having a boy like you, especially someone so close, so if you want space-”

“kiss me.”

“pardon?”

“i meant-” seungjoon half giggles, half breathes out, “could you kiss me?”

“for… fun?”

“no, you idiot,” he sighs, making a strange face, “to be romantic or whatever, like- ugh, whatever! just- ...please?”

hyojin thinks his brain shut off a lot time ago, because nothing that’s happening right now seems to be processed, and even if is being processed, he’s sure all of this must be a fever dream. he’s bound to wake up next to seungjoon, the two of them curled up on the floor, the movie running in the background: his arm numb and seungjoon’s embrace warm. it’ll be like any day, and he won’t repeat any of what has just happened, because in real life, seungjoon wouldn’t want to kiss him.

this isn’t real, right?

“i mean, i’m not asking you to kiss me as a joke, if that’s what you’re asking.”

great, now he’s thinking out loud.

seungjoon’s smile is so goddamn endearing and warm, he kind of wants to just launch into it and give into the younger’s whiny request. he thinks he might die if he does it but also might die if he doesn’t. there’s no right decision to be made.

“...did i make you uncomfortable?”

“no! i- just… you’re sure?”

with a loud sigh, seungjoon rolls his eyes, pushing himself onto his knees and leaning forward, hand latching onto hyojin’s arm and tugging abruptly, the elder falling shortly before having his descent halted by a careful grip.

in this position, he looks up at seungjoon, and it seems to be exactly what was desired, because the boy smiles cutely, tilting his chin delicately with a finger and thumb, and leaning in to press a delicate kiss straight onto his lips.

at first it’s only that: lightly peppered pecks, but soon they readjust positions, and hyojin finds himself engaged in a sweet kiss with the younger, fingers curling impulsively into his oversized sweater as he sighs quietly into the other’s mouth.

he feels the telltale flutter of butterflies swarming his stomach, but this time they migrate upwards, moving to where his lungs and heart lay and invading those organs respectively, causing him to breathe stuttered breaths and create stuttered heartbeats. his curiosity grows as he feels the time running out for their lip lock, and quickly he slides a hand up innocently, locating the left side of the younger’s chest and pressing delicately against the material of the loosely fitting sweater.

the rapid thumping vibrates through his finger tips pleasantly, and he smiles: relieved.

breaking apart they give each other one glance and begin laughing, inexplicably and out of control.

with seungjoon he always feels like a kid again: his feelings childish and overwhelmingly strong just as if they had developed overnight. he supposes that’s the boy’s charm. every moment feels like an eternity - the kind you never want to end.

it has to end though, and he finds seungjoon’s smile wearing down, growing milder, his own matching the sudden diminuendo.

quietly, and perhaps shyly, the younger speaks, voice just above a whisper and raspy, but not hoarse.

“do you feel better now?”

hyojin hums, taking to fiddling with his own fingers.

“hyojin?” 

“are you sure you won’t get bored of me?” he blurts out, finding even he himself is unsure where it comes from, “if… we… date... won’t you get bored?”

seungjoon giggles to himself - it’s that same giggle he always has, but it’s a little different now, and hyojin struggles to pinpoint what’s making it change ever so slightly. it makes his ears burn, nevertheless, feeling insanely vulnerable as he plays increasingly more nervously with his own digits, twitching them and flexing them as if he’s spinning thread.

his head is kind of dizzy, he supposes everything's been a tad bit overwhelming the past few minutes, but he feels himself getting even more disorientated as slender hands slip into his, halting them in their panicked movements. they’re... holding hands. it’s nothing new, but it actually really is - everything new after you kind of, sort of, maybe, kiss your best friend. even normal glances are viewed differently, in a different light.

“i haven’t gotten bored of you and it’s been how long?”

hyojin mumbles a “thirteen years” under his breath, taking to looking anywhere besides seungjoon.

“and did we do anything more than what friends do in that time?”

he shrugs. not all friends share a bed, he supposes. not all friends hold hands, not all friends are friends for as long as they are. so actually, he supposes they might have done things that aren’t exactly strictly platonic. but he figures seungjoon’s point is that they’ve never… done anything… weird.

“so why would i get bored of you?”

“i... dunno, maybe you’ll want… things? i don’t know if i’d be comfortable with anything- i mean, i could try-”

“hyojin, look at me.” and he does, looking up to make eye contact that he wills himself with every ounce of strength to maintain, “you don’t need to do anything for me. if you just want the romance part, then i’ll give you that. i’m not going to get bored of you, i don’t even think i could if i tried, okay?”

“...okay.”

“do you believe me?”

he nods, slightly dumbfounded, and feels the gentle brushes of the pads of seungjoon’s fingers across the back of his hand, soothing him. hyojin finds himself being thankful, letting his shoulders untighten and fall into a relaxed position.

maybe, he ponders, just maybe, he was overreacting with everything.

but also, seungjoon is too sweet, he decides. if it were anyone else, he’s sure he’d be crying into his pillow right about now, regretting every decision leading up until that point.

hyojin reckons he’s rather lucky.

blindingly, the younger flashes him a bright smile, and he feels his worries dissipate completely, even the faint feelings lingering that he had almost been certain would not go away. seungjoon is a source of comfort, and lightly, gently, he feels his heart beat against his ribcage, aching to the let the other know just how much he adored him.

maybe someday, when he gets more used to whatever this is.

-

“don’t be nasty on my bed, _please_ , for the love of god.”

“ew,” seungjoon whines, “don’t be gross, changyoon.”

“just remember that i sleep there!” he adds, hurriedly picking up various items from around the room, snatching some perfumes off of his shelf/desk/pile (honestly there was no name for it) filled with large numbers of the stuff, “keep it pg-13 for _my_ sake.”

ruffling his own hair, messing up the red locks, hyojin rolls his eyes, leaning into an extra warm pillow known as seungjoon’s thigh beneath his head.

“you act as if i’d do anything for your sake.”

“and that’s because you would!” he boasts, flashing his famous eye smile, “because you know you love me~”

“i can’t stand you, changyoon.”

seungjoon giggles from above him and the brunette currently annoying him joins in too, wholly amused at hyojin’s annoyance. he has the half mind to throw something at the boy, but reckons a plush animal wouldn’t do the trick.

god they’re insufferable- well, seungjoon less, way less.

changyoon, though? the devil. satan. evil embodied.

“well would you look at the time, i’ve got an appointment with a certain yang hongseok, so if you’ll excuse me.”

once more, the red head rolls his eyes, but jumps in silent victory in his head once the second eldest has evacuated their shared room, leaving only him and seungjoon by themselves.

tentatively, he looks up, catching onto the gaze of the younger, and admiring the way his eyes sparkle so brightly. surely it must be a trick of the light, because he’s almost certain it’s impossible to capture an entire universe in his eyes. but time and time again, hyojin finds the multitude of stars and constellations and asteroids and spaceships floating about in his pupils, swimming dazzlingly and shooting stunningly everywhere without ceasing. it’s much like a light show, with all the fancy glimmers and shimmers that can be seen. if he had the time, he’d stare into those eyes endlessly, just so he could count each and every star.

but hyojin reckons their eyes would get tired after a moment or two, and gives up on that aspiration fairly quickly.

still, he loves the way seungjoon’s gaze is so pretty, and loves it even more when he knows it’s just for him.

“do you want to watch a movie?”

“and you’re choosing?”

“yep!”

hyojin turns himself so that his cheek presses nicely against the boy’s thigh, disconnecting their gazes.

“if it’s horror we’re never speaking again.” he grumbles.

and even though hyojin can’t see it, he knows seungjoon rolls his eyes, and knows that in a few minutes they’re going to be jumping out of their skin at yet another low budget horror film.

it’s not like he minds, though - he thinks to himself, smiling gently.

**Author's Note:**

> twt = @/kkochiya


End file.
